My 3 Grateful and Positive Thoughts of the Day: 08-09-14

A lot in my life has happened since my last blog post in January.  I have to admit, it’s been a rough year so far.  I’m inherently one of those optimistic, “every cloud has a silver lining” individuals; but the past 8+ months have really tested me in all aspects of my life:  emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  There are many times I’ve thought about this blog, getting out in writing what’s been going on, but it didn’t happen for whatever reason or excuse.  Maybe I just didn’t want to re-live the bad/sad/disappointing stuff all over again.  As Elsa would sing “the past is in the past.”  However, as much as I try to bury it all and/or deal with it and move forward, it can get hard at times.  But despite it all, I still smile and look for the positive and beauty all around me.  It’s just who I am.

What’s prompted me to blog today is that I’m in a bit of a funk at this exact moment, despite the insanely gorgeous and perfect summer day we’re having here in my part of NY.  I realized I really needed to get my head out of this mindset and thought of a great way to do it.  Over the past month or two I’ve seen many friends partake in a “challenge” of sorts going around Facebook where they’ll list 3 or 5 positive things they are either grateful for or are positives in their lives on that particular day.  So I figured that’d be a great way to break the blahs.  Also, it really is something I should do every day.  You need to have positive thoughts and be grateful every single day you wake up.  Those happy, thankful thoughts will then continue to multiply over and over again, day after day.

So, without further ado, here are My 3 Grateful and Positive Thoughts of the Day.

1.     No surprise on this one. I am grateful for my son!!  He is my ray of loving, huggable, kissable sunshine every single day.  There are no words I could write that would ever do him and his love justice.  The mother/son bond we share is undeniable.

2.     Although she is no longer with us (one of the incredibly heartbreaking events back in January/February this year), I am so very grateful for the nearly 44 years I had with my grandmother.  Again, no words I could say would ever do her unconditional love and support for me justice.  I miss her so incredibly much.  Love you grandma.  You are forever in my heart and spirit.

A really old and rather "risky" photo back in the day of my grandma (L) and great grandma (R)!!!  

3.     I am grateful for the new medication (Tecfidera) I’m on for Multiple Sclerosis (MS).  My "official" 13-year MS diagnosis anniversary was this past July.  Although the Tecfidera does not cure the illness, it’s what they call a "disease modifying drug."  For me, it has had a significant and noticeable improvement in at least one area of my illness.  This is the first time in at least 5 years, if not longer, that I haven’t needed a cane for stability assistance while walking in the heat and humidity of the summer months.  Haven’t needed a cane in the slightest and that makes me feel amazingly grateful and positive!!

Meet Pepe', my original cane and now one of many fashionable canes in my collection!!  LOL

So there you have it, my positivity and optimism of the day!!!

Wishing you peace, love, happiness, and a lifetime of blessings!!

Kristyn

PS – For my previous blog readers, notice the change in my sign off?!?!!  Yeah, that’s another positive thing that’s happened to me in the past month or so, but I’ll save that for another day!!

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

First and foremost, let me say Welcome to 2014 and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!  OK, enough of the formalities, let’s just jump right in!!

And so it begins…the start of a new year.  What exactly does that mean, though?  Yes, I know what the calendar says, but in some ways, I wonder what the big hubbub is all about, especially in regards to New Year’s Resolutions.  Why is it only on January 1^st that most people decide to make resolutions for the specific year ahead?   Shouldn’t this be an ongoing process, but without the tag of “resolution” on it?  Isn’t this how we keep from being stagnant and grow as individuals, by striving to make ourselves and our lives better each and every day?  At least I know that’s how I live and view my life.  Granted, I tend not to call them resolutions, but instead I consider them goals, and for good reason.  I don’t need to do this on January 1^st, as in all actuality I do it all the time.  As an example, instead of saying “I’m going to go on a diet starting January 1^st and lose x-amount of weight this year,” why not set a goal of eating healthier, real foods every day?  That will in turn create a lifelong habit instead of a short-term goal that has an end point once you lose the weight you set out to.  I can attest to this personally in regards to a “New Year’s Resolution” I made at the beginning of 2009, which also happens to be a VERY common resolution year-after-year among many females regardless of age.  I made the 2009 New Year’s Resolution to weigh a certain amount and fit into a “little black dress” I’d been saving all those years (18 years at that point to be exact) by my 40^th birthday (which I turned in the early part of 2010…gave myself enough time to lose the weight as I had 65 pounds to lose by then).  Outcome was, I DID successfully accomplish this particular New Year’s resolution and weighed what I set out to for my 40^th birthday, and I DID fit into that "little black dress" without struggling at all.  However, because I lost the weight in a relatively unhealthy way, I ended up regaining 20 of those pounds right back on even before 2010 was over.  Only when I started eating healthy towards the end of 2011 and learning about nutrient-dense food was I able to lose the weight I gained back, but I’ve also kept that weight off plus a bit more AND I lost more overall body fat and inches without even trying, all without ever feeling hungry or deprived, which many of us end up feeling when we follow an unhealthy and/or fad “diet.”  Plus, without even having it as a part of my initial "resolution,” I significantly improved my overall physical health, emotional well being, and I was able to go off of all but one medication related to my Multiple Sclerosis symptoms.  Goes to show what you can accomplish when you don’t limit yourself to a single resolution, but set out on an overall goal. 

So, by reading this, take a look back to January 1^st.  Did you make New Year’s resolutions?  Is there maybe a way you can broaden their scope and make them more of everyday goals to better yourself as an individual, your day-to-day life, and your overall future instead of just being pigeon-holed into one set outcome?  This doesn't have to be about weight loss, this can be about ANYTHING you want to grow/change in your life.  You’ve got nothing to lose and there is no feeling of having “failed” if you did end up “breaking” your original New Year’s resolutions.  Think about it.  

Wishing you peace, love, and happiness,

Kristyn

FIREWORKS vs. SPARKS

As some of you may or may not know, I’ve been a single woman for a little over 2 years now after the demise of a marriage that lasted a little less than 9 years.  It wasn’t until February this year that I felt that I was ready to get back out into the dating arena.  Yeah, a scary thought for a 40-something year old single mom…let alone one who has the added “bonus” of having Multiple Sclerosis.  But, hey, who was I to let all of that stop me?!?!!!

I was contacted by a man on Match.com about a month or so ago who had in his profile, amongst many other things, that he was looking for fireworks, which on the surface is totally understandable.  Who doesn’t want to have that initial “connection” with someone?  As superficial as it may seem, we all want to have that undeniable physical attraction with a potential partner.  No, that doesn’t have to mean you’re (or me in particular) jumping into bed on the first date, either.  Although those thoughts may be swirling around in your head the entire date if/when you experience them. ;-)  I, at least, have a bit more self-respect than that, no matter how intense the initial attraction may be!!

This man and I then had some back-and-forth messages via Match, and then we started texting and talking on the phone, along with some subsequent dates thereafter.  He asked what I was looking for, and after some thought, I told him it wasn’t fireworks.  I wanted more than that.  From his reaction, I could tell he was a bit confused…what could be more than fireworks?  Think about fireworks for a minute, though.  Yes, they can be extravagant, mind-blowing, beautiful, exciting, a myriad of reactions and emotions.  But what do all fireworks have in common?  After that initial big “bang,” they slowly fall from the sky, fizzle out, and die.  Talk about a letdown after being so worked up.  That’s not what I want.  What I want are……

SPARKS!!!  Sparks, you may wonder.  Think about sparks, though.  Sparks can ignite a fire.  Think about something as simple as a campfire.  That spark from a match (or rubbing flint together if you’re so inclined!!  lol)  will light tinder, which in turn lights the logs of the campfire.  That tiny little campfire, if tended to carefully, can then turn itself into a fun and beautiful bonfire.  If you’ve ever been to a bonfire, those babies can get really HOT.  But, that bonfire could then set off a brush fire, which in turn can grow even bigger, with even more INTENSE flames which can then grow itself into a full-blown BLAZING forest fire, and that in turn can ignite into all-encompassing and SCORCHING wild fire.  Now, yes, in actuality forest fires and wild fires are NOT a good thing by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s a metaphor here, everyone, so just go with it!!  LOL  I think you get where I’m going with this, though.  That initial spark you feel for someone can grow into something glorious, larger than life, more than ANYTHING you could have ever hoped for or even imagined.  I’m not only talking in the physical and/or sexual sense, either.  I want a man who also sparks my mind, someone who will make me think, make me question ideas and beliefs that I’ve had over the years.  They may or may not change, but at least they would have been re-evaulated and looked at in a different light.  Someone who will make me ponder what I truly want out of my life.  He must also spark my soul on a deeper, more meaningful level in regards to what I hold near and dear to me at the core of my being, that part that makes me "me" and unlike anyone else.  So I have asked myself this (obviously!!  LOL), and I’ll ask it of you, my dear blog readers…Why do we limit ourselves, our dreams, and our desires in what we want and get out of this life?  I won't this time around.  I can't.  One thing you learn when you have Multiple Sclerosis, or any other incurable disease for that matter, is that life really is short.  Love every minute of it that you can.

So, yes, I don’t want fireworks that will fizzle out pretty quickly.  Well, OK, yes, there ARE certain times when I do WANT and NEED those mind-blowing fireworks, if you know what I mean!! ;-)  Along with their own added health and overall well-being benefits, of course. :-)  But, when I meet a man, I want a spark that can ignite into something bigger than what either of us could have ever imagined.  Isn’t that what we all really want out of a life partner?  I’ve limited by dreams in the past and look where it got me.  I deserve more.  I deserve someone who will feed my mind, body, and soul.  Don't you?

Until next time…

Wishing you peace, love, and happiness,

Kristyn

PS - If you like what you've read here or in other posts I've done, please feel free to leave a comment below and/or become a "Member" of my blog, by clicking on the appropriate area on the right-hand side of this page.  I appreciate any and all feedback and support.  Thank you! :-)

Me In A Nutshell

My last post I ended with the footnote that I had written my brief/concise bio paragraph for the photographer Kathie Austin of KathieAustin Photography and that I would share it with you in my next post.  Well, that next post is NOW…obviously!!  LOL!!!  So, to end your suspense, here it is.  :-)

As a huge country music fan, there are lyrics to a particular song I enjoy that sum up a way in which I approach and live my life.  They are: “You get tired and you don’t show it.  Dig a little deeper when you think you can’t dig no more.  That’s the only way I know.”  You may ask why I can identify so strongly with those lyrics, and the simple answer is that I’m a 43-year old woman who is a single mom to a happy, loving, affectionate, and rather funny boy who is constantly on the go.  What I wouldn’t do to be able to tap into his level of energy!!  But, through feeding my body by eating healthy and nutrient-dense foods; feeding my mind through expressing my creativity in a variety of ways; and by feeding my soul with living a life full of optimism and hope, and always keeping a smile on my face, I’m able to be the best person and mom I can be.  No matter what life has thrown my way, I always come back fighting and coming out stronger than before.  Yeah, I’m stubborn like that!  Oh, and in addition to all that, I’ve been living with Multiple Sclerosis for the past 13 years of my life.  No pity party going on here.  It’s just not “me” or who I am.  So remember that even in the hardest of times, all you have to do is dig a little deeper when you think you can’t dig no more.  It really does make a world of difference. 

***I did make a few more grammatical/punctuation changes to the above, but the words are the same as what I handed to Kathie.  What can I say, I’m not perfect, I make mistakes…as rare as that may be for some of you to believe. ;-)  LOL***

Yep, that’s me in a nutshell.  Well, at least the VERY generalized me for the past few years.  No doubt there is so much more to me and my life on many levels, which this blog has and will continue to reflect upon, expose, and discover along the way.  But, at the very core of my being, this is who I am…This is where the culmination of my life experiences has brought me…right here, right now…at this exact moment in time. 

As soon as I can, I will post the photo Kathie took of me and EJ for our upcoming Christmas card.  It blew me away when I saw it.  I’ve always known my son is quite photogenic (Yeah, I may be biased because I’m his mom, but he truly is a cutie pie!!!), but I didn’t turn out too shabby, if I do say so myself. ;-)  LOL!!!

Well, until next time…

Wishing you peace, love, and happiness,

Kristyn

Inspiration and Encouragement

Surprise Surprise!!!  Look who's back. :-)

Yes, it has been about 6 months since I last blogged.  There are many reasons, and even some excuses, as to why I haven't posted, but do they really matter?  I don't think so.  What matters is that I'm back!!!

The reason I feel like I am back is because of two recent happenings in my life.  Or, more precisely, two people.  One whom I would deem incredibly encouraging; and the other, obviously, would be the inspiring one.

First, the "encouraging" individual as this one will be easier to explain.  My son and I recently had some professional photos taken of us which we plan on using for our 2013 Christmas cards.  The photographer, Kathie Austin of Kathie Austin Photography in Vernon, NJ, happened to have posted on my Facebook page about a week ago that she was editing the photos, and that I was a beautiful woman.  That was so sweet of her, and it made me feel good about myself.  She then sent me a private message asking me to write up a little bio, something brief/concise/simple, talking about my having Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and being a single mom.  She said I had a story to tell and she wanted to tell it when she posted my pics, presumably on her website.  Of course I said I would do it.  She is an amazing photographer who has this uncanny ability and talent to tell stories through her pictures.  This woman is a true artistic visionary when it comes to her passion.  Writing up the bio is the least I could do for her. :-)  Plus, when I saw some of the photos a couple nights later...O-M-G!!!!!  They are STUNNING!!  She captured so beautifully that strong mother/son bond EJ and I have. 

So, because of that, I now need to put on my writer's cap and come up with this mini yet concise bio about myself, my MS, and being a single mom.  The hard part about this is even though Kathie thinks I have a story to tell, I hate talking about myself because I don't see anything special in who I am or what I am doing.  I'm a 43-year old woman who happens to be a single mom for the past two years to an active, on-the-go 5-year old little boy; and oh, I happen to be dealing with Multiple Sclerosis for the past 12+ years of my life.  I am just me.  I do what needs to be done and try like hell to be the best mom I can be.  Don't all us moms do that?  

However, after speaking with the "inspiring" one I touched on above, it's caused me to re-evaluate and look deeper into myself, my beliefs, my feelings, and many other areas of who I am as a person and as a woman.  In the most calming, trusting, accepting of ways and conversations, he's caused me to peek into those dark corners of my soul and confront some shadows that have been haunting me and holding me back in many ways throughout my lifetime.  Our conversations have also made me look at what I really want out of my life on many different levels.  I've never felt so vulnerable yet so safe talking with anyone before on such deep levels.  It's scary but exhilarating all at the same time.  So, based on some of our conversations and what I'm learning about myself, I've been inspired to write, which brings me back to this blog.  It is called "Rediscovering Kristyn" after all, and that is what I'm going through at this moment in time.  I'm truly rediscovering myself on a completely different, new, and exciting level.     

On that note, I will end this post.  I'm sure there will much more to post now that I've been encouraged and inspired.  It's amazing what can happen when those two energies come together at the same time.   :-)

Wishing you peace, love, and happiness,

Kristyn


***I started writing this post a few days ago, so I hadn't written my piece for Kathie yet.  However, it is now complete, and I brought it to her the other day.  She was pleased with it and said it inspired her to re-start the "Inspirational Women" part of her website.  I will share what I wrote for her in my next post in a few days.  I need to first get though the family turkey day tomorrow!!  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! :-) ***

Damn!! It's Been A While....

Wow, I knew it'd been a while since I last blogged, but I didn't realize it'd been sooooo long.  Guess that's what happens when one is trying to rediscover herself. LOL

As for a quick update on that older gentleman I wrote about in March, that was incredibly short lived. The whole misrepresenting himself online about his age really did not sit well with me, at all.  The main reason my marriage broke up was because of my ex's lies to me for all those years, so why would I even want to consider dating someone who started out the whole thing with an outright lie.  Plus, for a man who was 59 years old, he didn't have the self confidence or self assured manner about himself that one should have by that age.  Me and my much stronger personality would have chewed him up in no time flat.  So, yeah, that one never got off the ground.

Since then, I've corresponded with a few other guys on Match, but didn't get to meet any of them.  One looked promising...great texts, a wonderful phone conversation, and then BAM...basically dropped off the face of the earth overnight.  About a week after he stopped texting back/calling, I noticed he changed the area where he lived on his Match profile.  Then, not even a week later he took down his profile.  So, he was either lying to me or he found someone.  Either way, oh well...his loss.  We know I'm not about chasing after anyone.  Not my style.  If the person wants to be with me and/or if it was meant to be, it will be.

For the past month I've been messaging via Match and now texting another gentleman.  Again, this looks promising.  Much more promising than any of the others, by far.  Scarily so, actually, but in a good way. LOL  There seems to be many similarities in our personalities and interests to begin with, not to mention senses of humor.  He's almost like the male version of me...YIKES!!!  Now THAT is scary!! :-D  No, we haven't spoken on the phone yet, but that is planned for within the next couple of days when both our schedules clear up.  With both of us being single parents, of which he has sole custody of his child, we need to prioritize around the schedules of our little ones as well as our own calendars.  Tricky but do-able I'm sure.  Then, we're also planning on meeting for lunch later this week.  If the texts are any indication of how our phone conversation will go, I do not think we'll be lacking for conversation AT ALL.  I have a setting on my phone that will hang onto 100 texts before it starts automatically deleting them message-by-message.  In approximately 3 hours time tonight, we sent over 100 messages; and we'd been texting back and forth/off and on all day so I can only imagine what the final total for today was!!  Good thing I have unlimited texting on my phone!!!  Keep in mind, this wasn't our first day texting each other, either.  Yes, it's the whole getting-to-know-someone phase, but still.  That's a dang lot of texts!!! LOL  This all has me quite optimistic.  However......

Yes, there is, unfortunately, a however/but in all of this.  Everything I have in my Match profile and everything I've told this man is 100% true.  As most everyone knows about me, I believe in being upfront and honest, and my life is an open book.  Heck, I write a blog and pour my heart out in it for the world to read!!  However, the one thing I purposely left out of my Match profile is my Multiple Sclerosis (MS).  Too many people seem to have a preconceived opinion/notions of what it means and how I'll be physically.  It would certainly preclude many from even bothering to get to know me in the first place.  To them I'd be "the chick with MS" not "Kris."  Yes, I only tell people my name is Kris; because if I said Kristyn, it might be too easy for someone to Google me or something.  Crazy but cautious I am. :-)  As I mentioned earlier, me and my potential suitor are planning on talking on the phone this weekend some time.  Again, I fully believe this will go well.  When we meet for lunch later in the week, I absolutely plan on laying it all out on the line for him before things progress any further.  Kind of like ripping the band aid off in one quick yank.  At least this way he will already know the gist of my personality and see for himself how I'm doing physically and how the MS does/does not impact me in the physical sense.  Wish me luck on that one!! :-)

By nature I'm an optimistic and trusting person; which, yes, has gotten me hurt/burned more than once in my lifetime.  But no matter how many times I've been knocked down and kicked in life, I pick myself back up, dust myself off, and go at it again stronger than before.  It is the past that makes us who we are today, and I am very proud of who I have become as a woman and as a human being.  So whether this person is to just drop out of my life in the blink of an eye after I disclose my illness to him, whether we only remain friends afterwards, or whether we decide to go on more dates and continue to get to know each other, only time will tell.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again; what's meant to be will be.  I can't force it and neither can anyone else.

So if I do go on faith, trust, and face value, then so far so good!!!

Wishing you peace, love, and happiness,

Kristyn

Did I Really Believe It???

As I’m always saying to people, “Age is just a number.”  For me, that has been on my mind a lot this past week with having just celebrated my most recent birthday and more so since having a conversation with someone new I met online and went out with yesterday, Thursday, for the first time.

Last week I celebrated my 43^rd birthday.  Yes, Happy Birthday to me!!!!  I’ve always embraced my age and will proudly admit it to anyone who does ask how old I am.  Yes, there are some days I feel a bit slow or like I have the creeky body of an 83-year old at times, but overall and even with my Multiple Sclerosis, I certainly feel young at heart, young of mind, and young of spirit.  Yet, I do feel like I am an old soul.  Now tell me what kind of sense that makes?!?!!!  LOL!!!  What helps, I think, is that my friends, both IRL (in real life) and online, such as on Facebook, run all ages.  Yet, I feel like I can relate to them all on different levels no matter what their ages may be.  I certainly hope they feel the same way about me. J

So, here I was then confronted with an age issue yesterday.  I honestly admit that it made me stop, really think, and question myself on how much I truly believed in what I'd been saying that “age is just a number.”  I went out on a first date yesterday, which consisted of a very nice, two-hour long lunch.  This then proceeded onto an unplanned trip to the mall to walk around and hang out some more and talk, which lasted yet another two hours.  This was with a man I met via Match.com.  Here I was under the impression he was 10 years older than me, which was already at the far end of the age range I was looking for in regards to meeting someone.  However, after talking during the lunch half of our date, I came to find out he’s actually 15 years older than me.  I have to be honest, that took me by a bit of a surprise.  Between the back and forth e-mails we exchanged and the phone conversations we’d had up to our date, you’d never guess he was the age that he is.  He’s very active with many community projects and activities; and he comes across as having such a young, fun spirit.  But, I have to admit, it still caused me to pause a bit.  I’d never dated anyone more than 4 years older than me from what I remember.  But 15…now that’s a leap I was not expecting.  Was I going to be OK with that?  Granted, it was only our first date, but we really hit it off, or at least I think we did and hope we did, as I’d like to get to know him better as a person.  However, this post is not about the actual date itself; it’s about age and did I believe in what I preached.

Upon thinking about it after the date and then later that evening, I came to the conclusion, that, YES, I did believe in what I’d been saying all along…age IS just a number.  Age is just a superficial representation of who someone is.  Young at heart and young of mind speaks volumes more than any age on the calendar represents.  I know it certainly won’t stop me from accepting another date with this man, should he ask me out again. J

On that note, this old lady needs her beauty sleep!!!  LOL!!!  Off to bed with my head!!!

Wishing you peace, love, and happiness,

Kristyn

Happy 43rd Birthday To Me!!!

Well, at the time I'm starting to type this, there are 36 minutes left to my birthday!  To be completely honest, turning 43 hasn't bothered me one bit.  Because as I see it, like a fine wine I only get better with age. :-)  Really, if you think about it, the alternative would really really suck!!!  LOL!!! 

Happy Birthday To Me!!!!

As this day has been chock full of activity and lots of love from my IRL (in real life) friends and my FB (Facebook) friends who I've made over the past few years and truly cherish, from all across this country and Canada, I didn't allot myself enough time to write a proper birthday blog post.  So, as there is NOTHING SCHEDULED on mine and my son's calendars this weekend, I plan on carving out some time to play catch up on here, as it's been over a week since I last posted.  I truly want to keep up with this blog, but some nights I just need to unwind and relax once my son goes to bed, as 9 times out of 10 I'm having to be up bright and early to my alarm clock the very next morning, even on weekends.  But not tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WooHoo!!!  Happy Dance time!!!!

One of the topics I want to write about is this whole age thing.  A friend of mine who I've known since middle school turned 43 last week and our other best friend from back then turns 43 next month.  Both of them were lamenting on FB about how old they feel.  To me, age is just a number.  You only feel as old as you allow yourself to, even when battling daily with a debilitating and incurable disease like I do (Multiple Sclerosis).  That blog post may even be a Part 1 of 2 type thing, as it just may lead into one of my favorite sayings of "Sh!t or get off the pot!!!"  I will have to see how that all pans out.

I'm still feeling 40+ and FABULOUS!!!!!!

So on that note, a bid thee adieu.....

Wishing you peace, love, and happiness,

Kristyn