In a Conundrum

I've been going back and forth with this new situation/inner turmoil that I'm being faced with and honestly don't know what to do about it. 

As many of you know, I'm doing The 21-Day Sugar Detox program by Balanced Bites, which will be ending on the 22nd of January.  I've been sugar and gluten/grain free since January 2nd.  An amazing accomplishment for me - the queen of sugar addiction - LOL.  For the past week, now that the initial negative detoxing effects have subsided, I've felt beyond amazing, as I posted about the other day, and my health and well-being have certainly improved.  I honestly am going to do my damndest to follow this plan, but with more Paleo foods added to it now that I've gotten through the toughest part - removing the sugar/gluten/grain from my system.  Now, although I'm sure it will be a bit of a struggle, especially in the beginning, I feel like I can face and get through most "outside" situations, such as dinners/meals with friends, playdates that my son goes to, and other social situations.  I may have an accidental slip here and there, but certainly not an intentional one.

Mini vanilla/vanilla cupcakes for a friend's baby shower.

 
My conundrum is that I'm known as "the dessert person," especially for my cupcakes.  How do I go around talking about a healthy lifestyle full of whole foods, gluten/grain free, and no sugar other than the occasional honey or maple syrup I'll use for sweetening certain items when I'm then baking/feeding others this crap?  Granted I can stick strictly to scratch recipes for some items, but others I can't.  I feel like I'm being a hypocrite, but everyone is free to make their own food choices so if they want the cupcakes or other dessert items, who am I to deny them what they'd like for their event?  Make sense?  Do I just sit back and watch them eat this stuff that isn't great for their health and bodies while I abstain and try to encourage my 3-year old son to abstain from it also?  Yes, I can provide gluten-free and/or Paleo-ish treats, but how would that go over?  Granted, if I'm getting a "special request" for my baking services, I'd do what the person specifically requested, but still.  Then, with having that temptation right there in front of me, at my fingertips, experiencing the scents of it while it wafts through the air as bakes, would I be able to fully abstain?

Halloween Whoopie Pies

Plus, for me, baking is my "calm place" and complete stress relief for me.  It just puts me in a zone that nothing else can (other than relaxing while sitting by the ocean, a lake, or any other body of water.  Must be the Pisces in me - LOL).  I feel like I'd be losing a part of me, almost like a body limb, if I gave it up.  Seriously.  There's just something incredibly comforting to me about squeezing a decorating bag full of freshly-made buttercream icing.  Nothing like it at all.

The ocean.  My other "inner calm" place.

So, this is my conundrum that I must resolve for myself on a very inner, emotional level.  It may sound crazy, but that's just me.  Wish me luck and peace of mind, please.  I could use it :-)

Wishing you peace, love, and happiness,

Kristyn

An Unexpected Victory!!!

Let me start out by saying I feel AMAZING!!!  Secondly, this may turn out to be a bit of a lengthy post.  As some of you already know, on January 2^nd, I started The 21-Day Sugar Detox program by Diane Sanfilippo of Balanced Bites.  This is not something I’m doing to lose weight but to detox my body from all the processed sugar and carbs that I’d eaten over the holidays from Halloween to New Year’s Day.  I have a serious sugar addiction, not to mention a love of delicious crusty, bakery bread; so this really needed to be done because I was feeling like crap due to eating so much sugar and glutenous carbs while in celebration overload.  The first few days on the detox were incredibly hard while going through detox symptoms of headaches, extra fatigue (as in more than I usually get with my MS), mega crankiness/bitchiness, and over-the-top cravings.  I literally felt like a junkie trying to score my next hit, but my drug of choice was sugar.  To give you an idea, with this program I had to forego all forms of sugar (both processed and natural), gluten, all grains, and basically all fruit.  Do you have any idea how hard that was to do?  For the most part, I thought it would be impossible for me to succeed.  But nothing’s impossible if you really want it to work, which is what I’ve learned firsthand.

 Stepping on the scale yesterday, I’ve lost 7.8 pounds.  I knew there’d be some weight loss, but it’s not my primary goal here.  I’m trying to relearn how to eat properly; as in whole, natural foods; nothing processed; minimal natural sugar; no gluten or grains; no legumes; plenty of lean proteins and veggies, minimal fruit, along with healthy fats.  Low fat and no fat foods will kill you!  Did you ever sit down and read the ingredients list on one of those things?!?!!  The more I’ve learned about nutrition in the past 9 months, the more I think to myself “What the hell was I thinking???” when I tried dieting in the past and filling my body with all this processed, “fake” crap that passes for food in our society.  Talk about eye-opening!!!  Yes, I did lose weight and even hit Lifetime Membership status with Weight Watchers, of which I gained 18 pounds back over the course of 18 months; but I was filling my body full of toxins.  Our bodies were not created to consume all those chemicals and processed foods.  Think about it.  While doing Weight Watchers I never learned how to properly FUEL my body.  Yes, I could feed it, but it really needs to be fueled.  Think about it this way, some cars we can put regular unleaded gas in; but a higher-functioning engine needs the premium stuff to get the best performance out of it.  Our bodies are the same way.

 So, with doing this detox for the past 15 days, I have seen many significant changes and improvements in my physical and emotional well being.  Not only has losing the weight been great for my overall health and my clothes are fitting better, but my hair is shinier; I’ve greatly minimized the redness in the cheek area on my face; I sleep like a rock; I feel much, much happier; my "normal" mood swings are pretty much gone;  and I know this one will DEFINITELY be TMI for some of you, but oh well – suck it up and deal with it LOL – the hemroids that I’d get off and on before I got pregnant with EJ and that just went WAY OUT OF CONTROL from the moment I was in my second trimester with EJ, which then never went from that point forward to starting the detox process; well guess what…hemroids are GONE!!!!!!  Can I get an AMEN and HALLELUJAH  for that!!!!!  See, told you TMI, but we’re all adults here, I think you can deal with it and maybe that bit of info can even help out someone else reading this if they’re looking for a solution to their pain-in-the-butt problem. :-)

Biggest breakthrough and my unexpected victory came this morning, though.  It was the usual Monday morning where EJ and I go to his weekly tumble class.  Towards the end of each class the instructor sets up this huge air-filled bouncy mat that the kids and even the parents can jump on.  Well, with having MS and the neuropathy and mobility issues I deal with on a daily basis, my body from the hips down basically feels like it has lead weights attached to it.  There’s no jumping up and down going on here.  I haven’t been able to do that and get both my feet at once even a teensy-tinesy  bit airborne for many years now.  I physically could not do it no matter how much I tried; yet I’d still get on the bouncy air mat to play with EJ and help him improve his balancing and jumping skills while I just stood and/or gingerly walked on the mat.  Well, you guessed it…that’s right!!!  Today I was BOUNCING UP AND DOWN!!!!!  Both feet up and airborne together off the mat !!!  You have no idea how HUGE of an accomplishment that was for me or how emotional it was.  If I can do that after 15 days of being on this detox, I can’t imagine what I’ll be able to do after my 21 days are over and switch on over to a more Paleo-ish way of eating, which is quite similar to what I’m doing now with only a few tweaks here and there.  I am SO EXCITED to see what my future holds!!!!!!!

If you’ve made it this far through the post, thank you for your time and interest in my life’s new journey.  I truly appreciated it!!!

Wishing you peace, love, and happiness,

 Kristyn

"Saying AMEN" Sunday!!! - C

Time for this week's "Saying Amen" item on what I'm most grateful for!!!

C  - I’m saying AMEN to CUDDLES!!!! Now who doesn't LOVE cuddles...seriously?!?!!!  They can bring a smile to your face and make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside; or they can comfort you in a time of sorrow.  Or, even better yet, they can be for no other reason than to let that special someone know that you love and cherish them.  Any way you look at it, nothing beats some serious cuddle time!!! 

If EJ and I don't have to get up early for his preschool classes, playdates, or any other appointments/visits we may have scheduled for the day, he'll come into my room for some early morning cuddle time.  No better way to start my morning these days!!!  Brings the biggest smile to my face and gives me the energy I need to start the day.  And, yes, I admit it, unless I have to get up to an alarm clock for some reason, my 3-year old is up before me 9 out of 10 mornings. Bad mommy - lol.  I'm definitely more of a night owl, that's for certain.  Always have been.  You could probably tell that about me already since my usual blog posts don't go up until almost midnight - LOL!!!  Plus, each night before bed EJ and I read books and then have a few minutes of cuddle time while we talk about the day and then it's lights out.  Despite all the craziness that may have gone on in the day, those cuddles are what brings me back to center within myself.  Can't ask for anything more at that moment in time :-)

Romantic cuddles are super amazing and infinitely special as well, and I'm very thankful for those that I have been blessed with in the past.  It's been many many years since I've had that kind of loving, romantic, snuggly cuddle time with anyone special to me in that way.  A long, slow deterioration of a marriage will do that to you and your life.  However, being the optimistic and positive person that I am, now that I'm open to accepting the possibility a new, romantic, loving man in my life, whoever that may end of being; I've no doubt that there will be plenty of cuddles in my future one day :-)  There better be or that person will definitely NOT be my type.  No cold fish for me - LOL!!!!!!!!!!

So, get off your computer and go cuddle with someone you love and cherish.  And if you don't have a special someone or a child, go cuddle your pet if you've got one of those.  They'll certainly appreciate it :-)  No matter who or what you cuddle, it's still one moment you'll never ever regret!!!


Wishing you peace, love, and happiness,


Kristyn

Reflection and a flicker...

Happy Friday the 13th everyone!  Yeah, this will barely make it up in time for it to still be Friday, but it's been a busy day.  The little guy was with his dad the past two days, so I try and take advantage of the time when he's not under foot making a mess for every mess I clean up.  I'm sure there are many of you who can relate to that scenario.  LOL!!!  Hence, this will be a somewhat short post for me, with probably no photos...Boring, I know...Sorry!

Can't even begin to describe how much laundry I did and all the crap that got put away.  A productive day.  Plus, I just got the Osso Buco in the crock pot so it can cook low and slow overnight so EJ and I can have some AMAZING food for our Saturday :-)  I know you're jealous!!!

The reflection part of my day came with the fact that it was Friday the 13th and the 10 1/2 year mark from when I got my "official" diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis (MS).  Just spent part of my day thinking about all that's gone on in my life and what's happened in that time.  Both in life events and the actual physical and cognitive changes in me due to the MS.   There were definitely some strong emotions bubbling up inside me and spilling over in the form of tears.  All I'll say is I've certainly beaten the predictions some of my former neurologists have given me.  Back when I was around 35 my MS was in a bad way and the doctor I was seeing then predicted that there was a very strong possibility that I'd be in a wheelchair by the age of 40.  Well, I'll be 42 in March and I'm still walking along!!!  Granted with one of my many fashionable canes, but still hobbling along nicely :-)  Plus, despite the ups and downs, I try my best to keep an optimistic and positive attitude.  Really, what's the alternative?!?!!

I did some chatting online today with one of my Facebook friends and the conversation kind of sparked a part of the "old me" that had been missing for a long time.  It was nice to let my hair down and share that part of who I am.  At least I know that part of my personality is still in there - alive and well!!!

Alright, time to clean up the mess from preparing the osso buco, get changed, and go to bed.  Very long day but nice day today!

Wishing you peace, love, and happiness,

Kristyn

From dreams to reality...

I'm always saying "I want to do this" or "I'd really love to go there some day" or "I should put that on my Bucket List."  Well, guess what, I've never actually written down an "official" Bucket List.  Have you?  Now is the time to start one if you haven't!!  I'm about to turn 42 in two months, and I need to get cracking on this list :-)  If I put them down on a list and am able to see them and re-read them as a reminder, maybe I can start figuring out how to make my wishes and dreams become reality.  Not sure I'd be able to do all of them due to financial constraints and maybe even constraints due to my disability, but I truly hope and believe that I'll get some of them taken care of.  So, in no particular order, here are ten of the crazy and not-so-crazy things I want to do in my lifetime:

1.  Ziplining!!!  Although I'm extremely afraid of heights, I want to know what it feels like to fly through the air :-)  For me, I think it's as close to feeling "free" as I can get on my own :-)

 2.  Tandem skydive - Now, this opportunity has presented itself to me a few times before by my former boss, Pia, who's been solo skydiving for years.  Heck, she even offered to pay for my jump and the video of it, which is a nice chunk of change.  A very generous offer indeed.  But, no, scaredy-cat me chickened out many times.  Not 100% sure of what's holding me back, but I need to overcome whatever it is.

3.  Visit the Netherlands - The Dutch are certainly not known for their food, way too blah and bland for me, so that's not the motivation behind this trip.  A lot of places I want to visit are because of its foods, but this isn't one of them.  The "coffee" shops and Red-Light District aren't the draw for me either.  This, Breskens in particular, is where my paternal grandfather was born and lived as a child before coming to the US with his family.  From my understanding, his family consisted of bakers.  No wonder where I get my love of baking from :-)  I honestly don't know what it is, but I feel such a longing and need to go there and see where he grew up.  Plus, as a bonus, I do love tulips so it'll have to be a spring time trip for sure :-)  I certainly want to visit the gardens of Keukenhof while I'm there, which is pictured above

4.  Vegas - 'Nuff said - LOL!!!  I do need to get over my fear of flying, though, before I can take any of these trips.  There's that damn fear holding me back again :-)

5.  Road trip across the United States - This would take a good amount of time to do, not to mention money and a travel companion; but I love road trips!!!  Although I've been up and down the eastern seaboard, the furthest west I've ever gone is Beavercreek, Ohio when my brother got married 20 or so years ago.  I want to explore this amazing country of ours!!!  So, so, soooo much to discover out there.

6.  Trip to the Napa Valley - Again, 'nuff said on that one.  I can certainly see myself relaxing with some amazing wine and enjoying the warmth of the California sun and a delicious meal; preferably with a sexy male companion, of course ;-)  Just no earthquakes, mud slides, or wild fires while I'm there, please!!!

7.  Take a vacation on my own - Not sure where, but I've never gone on a vacation all by myself.  I've traveled alone to a destination to then meet up with a friend, but I've never gone absolutely on my own to explore and do entirely what I want to do when I want to do it.  Maybe when my son is visiting his dad and having one of their week-long vacations, I should look into going somewhere.  It'd certainly help in getting my mind off of missing my little guy :-(

8.  Be taken on a super romantic date in a stretch limo.  Again, almost 42 years old and have never been in the back of a stretch limo before.  I feel like I'm missing out on something.  Oh, and I can't believe I'm about to divulge this little tidbit, but while on that amazing date where I'm getting spoiled as all heck by an awesome, generous, and loving man (not that I've got one of them in my life nowadays), I do want to  have sex in the back of that limo...Dessert, anyone?!?!  LOL!!!!!  Hey, it's called HONESTY, people!!!!

9.  In going with the limo theme, I'd also like to have a girls night out.  Rent a limo to drive us wherever and party like crazy in the back of that limo on the way to and from our destination(s)...All fun & no worries!!!!  Kind of like a bachelorette party, which I never got to have.  Oh, and like I said ladies - no worries...I don't expect to have sex in the back of the limo on that night - LOL!!!!!!!!

10.  OK, I'll end on this one - Own a pink convertible!!!  Yep, a definite Bucket List item for me :-)  Pink is one of my favorite colors, and I love riding in a convertible...Perfect combination for me!

Not sure if you've gained any insight into me, but it has helped ME to "rediscover" a small part of who I am that gets lost in the everyday here-and-now of being a single mom.  It goes back to that "label" issue I discussed in my first post on this blog.  These are the things I want for "me" because "I" want them, not because someone else wants me to do them or wants it for them.  They are significant to me for my own reasons, no one elses.  Does that make sense? 

So, what's on your Bucket List?!?!

Wishing you peace, love, and happiness,

Kristyn

Wordless Wednesday :-)

What I'm craving - a twin lobster dinner up in Maine!!!

An "almost" oh crap my pants moment....

Started my day by getting up early (A pre-prechool day for my son, and I'm soooo not a morning person.) and taking my very hot shower all before the little guy stirred.  Loving those few bits of quiet time I can get...Parents certainly understand that one!  I then go and start my usual routine of turning on my computer to get it ready to log in while I'm making my son's breakfast...Well, I come back into the dining room to sign on and I got "THE BLACK SCREEN."  Oh CRAP this is NOT good.  I have waaaaaaaay too many photos and music on here.  So, I quickly turned my laptop off.  You know, if I can't see it, then it can't be true, right? I waited a couple minutes, turned it back on, then got another disturbing "Black Screen" but this time it was taunting me with a message about how it cannot load up or some sort of mumbo-jumbo like that...BTW, I strongly dislike anything techie related.  Not working in an office environment anymore or having a computer guru at my beck and call, I try to avoid technology as best as I can.  So I hit some button like it asked me to, it did its thing and the incompetent computer reports that it couldn't find the problem, let alone fix it.  So, I do what any other panicked person in denial would do and turned it off yet again, all the while trying to put out as much positive energy and vibes as I could possibly muster up - all without any coffee or tea in me at this moment in time.  Not a pretty picture!  As the old saying goes, "Third time's the charm."  Being the persistent (some would say stubborn) and positive person that I am, I waited a few minutes and turned it back on.  Luckily I was able to get in as if nothing had happened.  Although I have a backup external drive which I happened to have run not too long ago, it's old (at least for technology's sake) and would have no freakin' clue how to use it to fix what went wrong anyway.  Luckily, last week I ordered a newfangled one from QVC (oh, don't EVEN get me started on that addiction - LOL!!!) that will not only backup my computer, but if I do get the dreaded "Black Screen" all I have to do is plug this baby in and it will not only detect the virus, but clean the stinking virus our, and then load everything back in.  Fool proof..Just what I need :-)  Hopefully I won't ever have to use those features, but one can never be too safe in this day and age :-)  Thankfully it was delivered on Saturday, but of course, as usual, I procrastinated and never ran it.  Oopsy!  Bet you all know what I'll be doing in a few minutes once this post is up - LOL.  I've even come up with a name for this new portable hard drive - "My C.C."  So, are you curious?  Do you want to know what it stands for?  Aww, come on, you know you do!!!  Well, you'll just have to leave me a comment on here or on my Facebook page letting me know you read this; and if I get at least 10 comments here or on my Facebook page, I'll spill the beans :-)  Buah ha ha!!!!

Isn't "My C.C." real nice lookin'?!?!!!  Feeding time in a few minutes :-)

Time for me to go now and feed My C.C. with lots and lots of important info, gorgeous photos, awesome music, and whatever the hell else is on my laptop!

Wishing you peace, love, and happiness,

Kristyn